The river of lonely boys owns Patrick.
Stalker... sidewalks hijacked in real time.
Writer’s note
If the occasion for a meeting is sudden and nowhere - you just happen to like a stranger - then there is only a rush of feelings, there is no plan. If you had one, what would it be? Are you going to do something anyhow, no plan in place?
This is the story of finding a boyfriend in your mind but wishing that you could find one for real. Patrick, 19, goes to classes and has a job - the problem is that he is so lonely it has pounded his feelings out to numb. One of his winter days locates him in a sandwich shop near the canal, where he notices a boy that is going to change everything for him - Patrick is 100% sure of it.
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The beginning of the story…
THE PLACE is a restaurant near the canal. The boy's name is Sebastian.
The only way I know his name is because he's wearing a tag on his shirt. Maybe he works here and he's taking a break. Maybe he works someplace else and he forgot to take off his tag.
I like him.
He's about my age, 19. My own name is Patrick.
I'm alone at my table, Sebastian is alone at his.
I just have to figure out how I can walk over there.
I could say, "Do you mind if I sit with you?"
That doesn't sound right. He could say, "You've got your own table, don't you?"
And then I'd have to say, "Yes, but I wanted to sit with you."
In other words, I am forced to tell the truth and look like a fool all at once.
Maybe it's better to randomly take a chair at his table and say hello, like you didn't just break some social custom. It could get tense, though, if he doesn't know what you're doing. You know that he would be thinking about it and it's not going to work in your favor.
What if I called over to his table instead. Something like, "You don't have to sit alone. Come on over."
I think that line is really reserved for the confident. If you're confident, any line will work. You don't even have to think about it. You just come up with a few words off the top of your head.
It's always about a line, isn't it? You have to have one.
If I just walk over there and sit down with him, no greeting, he wouldn't know what to think. He might not think anything at all. And eventually he would leave without even saying goodbye.
We are right back where we started from. You need to say something. If it's stupid, that's about the end of your chances.
There is no one else like Sebastian and there never will be. This is it. This is everything.
The other thing you can do is finish your meal and leave. As bad as you want him, it just isn't going to be that way. When you walk out, you can get on with your life without Sebastian.
Does your life have to mean anything? You have a pretty good idea of what it would mean with him in it. It would mean that you would be happy.