Rusty finds himself on the wrong avenue, the one where nothing goes right and nothing is possible, a tough place when you're 18, alone.
Flat broke... the time when time gives up on you.
Writer’s note
I heard this guy carrying on one winter night. It was a one-way conversation, so I assumed he was on his phone. There was nobody else around, just him and me. Turns out he was yelling at the world - really upset about something. Yeah, he did say, "I'm not from here!"
The things you would never say - those are the things one boy decides to sling unguarded when his emotions have blown up on him. Rusty picks a boy on the uncaring sidewalks of November to unload his feelings on, all his frustration over boys that don't like him back. The boy he calls out is going to get a full dose of just how broken Rusty is.
Passage at Amazon I’m Not From Here
The beginning of the story…
OTHER THAN the fact I got fired from my high-paying dishwasher job today, the worst part about my world is that I can't find anybody. I like them and stuff but they never like me back. Every attempt I ever made to get a guy to like me, it was just a complete disaster.
More than once I asked somebody out and he showed up with his girlfriend. Like I had invited him to some kind of party or something.
So my name is Rusty. I'm a guy that's 18 years old, just like the ones I like and they don't have the time of day for me. It's not like I'm not good-looking or something - girls are always hitting on me. But the guys I like, they don't seem to like other guys.
Just my luck.
And then I go and lose my stupid job, so the cash is going to run out fast. And I don't even have anybody who cares what happens to me.
Yeah, they care back home. But that's like a million miles away and there's no water there. There's water here. I'm walking beside it right now. No, I'm not going in. I don't want to. Besides, I'm afraid of water.
It just seems like everything runs out on me right here, right now. No money, no place to go, no one in my life. I don't see how I get past tonight.
I think I'm busted up in pieces. I don't even care. It's like everything is over and I don't have to try anymore. I tried so hard and this is what it comes to. Nothing.
I kind of want to scream at the world and tell them what I think of them. Which isn't much.
I'm alone on the beach because this is November. There's some guy up on the sidewalk. I decide to yell at him when he more or less looks my way.
"What do you think you're looking at?"
He turns away like I'm talking to somebody beyond him. I'm not. It's him. There's nobody else around. Sooner or later he's going to figure that out.
He stops. I don't know why. I expected him to cross the street and disappear.
That would be what they usually do. I don't mean that I do this sort of thing. What I mean is that guys have a way of vanishing on me. It's when they figure out that I like them and then they're gone. I don't like this guy. I hate him.
I'm not looking for anything from him. But when everything runs out on you, it doesn't have to make sense anymore. I want him to answer for the crimes the world has done to me. They made me lonely and I want them to pay for it.
He is one of them.
I start up toward him. He isn't moving one way or the other. I hope that he's scared.